james law

Miracles

2011-06-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

In North America...

If we see miracles does our faith increase?
or does our skepticism increase?

2011-05-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

I tend to forget about what is eternal in the midst of all the temporal things in this world. In doing the things that are day to day, I find that keeping an eternal mindset behind all that I do is very difficult to do everyday.

Sometimes I think that if I tattoo something like 'eternal' on my arm, I will be reminded of the important things in life. But then there are things like 'discipleship' and 'hope' and all these others reminders that I need day to day that I eventually will have paragraphs on my body which I won't read because they are too long.

the cross

2011-04-06T15:24:00.001-07:00

The heart is an insufficient symbol for love.

Love is not all about good feelings and emotions most of the time. The way I love others; love brothers; is not the same as when I say I love chocolate, or I love napping. Its too shallow.

Romanticizing gives us a view of love that is too good to be true.

And then there is the cross.

A symbol that represents sacrifice for others. A symbol that is about forgiveness for all the horrible things in this world. The cross shows us that there is suffering amidst love. And although it is tough, and it is hard.. it is worth it.

I don't ♥ u,

I † u

2011-03-07T16:06:00.000-08:00

2011-02-07T01:29:00.001-08:00

I'm not striving to be perfect as a Christian. But I am striving to be active as a Christian. I guess that's kinda what James talks about in faith and deeds:

24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. James 2:24

If I don't do anything with this belief, with this faith, with God's love for me, than it is understandable if God discontinues to reveal himself to me, to bless me, to do great things in my life; because I am not sharing it with others, because I am keeping it selfishly for myself.

If we don't affect others with our faith, than our faith has no power. God knows this, so if we become lazy, there is no use in him giving to us because we wont do anything with what he gives us.

I guess that is why blessed are the poor in Spirit and blessed are the meek Matthew 5:3&5

For when we are broken we are active in our faith. We cling to God to do things through us and powerful things happen.

In contentment
We become lazy, critical, and we complain. Nothing good comes out of these things. Negativity broods and our laziness searches for an easy solution.

Yet we know nothing good comes easy. We also know that challenge is what we truly enjoy.

Our generation is twisted when we think convenience = good in all aspects of life.

The Least

2010-11-23T02:23:00.000-08:00

God, how am I supposed to show you that I love you?
I can't see you, and words can't simply express my love. It is quite difficult..

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Matthew 25:34-40

It is not human to love those are considered the least in this world. It is human to love the funny, rich, good looking, nice, and trustworthy people.

It is only from relying on God that you can truly love those who are lost, confused, poor, hungry, annoying, and mean. It is only from relying on God that you can love your enemies.

So by loving the least of these, with his help, we are loving him also?

For your info

2010-11-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

These are photos of me and "Gertrude" a.k.a "Gerty" (we named the camera) getting some video footage of the night. This is the multimedia part of my job. I was getting video for the Celebration of Cultures event at my church:

These are some of the youth I hang out with on Fridays and Sundays:

The Machine

2010-11-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

As Pastors, Youth Workers, Volunteers, Sunday School Teachers, Worship leaders we have to be fighting the tendency in treating the church like a machine. We are not just gears set in place to keep things in motion.

We are not here to solely maintain programs, maintain classes, maintain seminars, maintain the nursery, maintain good music, or maintain anything. Jesus never spoke about maintaining things...

The temptation is just to do things for the sake of it seeming like the right thing, and sometimes its hard to understand why...

We are more than just functions in a system

Prayer & Opportunities

2010-10-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

Dear God...

2010-10-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

The Roots feat. Monsters of Folk - Dear God 2.0

Free will, God's will

2010-10-12T21:05:00.002-07:00

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We need to constantly be renewing our mind so that it no longer thinks like this world. Only then can we be able to test and approve God's will. God's will should what we are striving for in all the choices that we make.

When I thought about this, I thought, then why didn't God just program us to do his will in the first place if that is what he wanted? Why did he give us the choice not to do his will? He could have just made it so that once you believe in Jesus Christ, you will automatically do God's will.

But no. He gives us free will.

we are not robots.....

And when I think of it, it kind of makes sense why he gives us the choice.

When you think of someone, a friend, a significant other... it is much more meaningful and thoughtful when that person does something for you out of free will rather than out of force or control. If someone gave a gift to me because I forced them too, I would not feel as loved in comparison to someone who gave a gift to me out of their own choice; out of their own free will.

God gives us free will and all the choices in the world... but ultimately wants us to deny our own free will and submit to his will.
Another paradox that I often don't understand, that I always have to remind myself of.

The trouble seems to be that we don't truly think that his choice making skills are better than our choice making skills.

We say:
"I dunno God.. I think I know what is best for me.."

Even though he created us, knows the outcomes of life, knows our life inside and out, and made us who we are.... somehow we know better. We know better even though we don't know the future, we often forget the past, we don't know what others are thinking, and most times we don't even know who we are. haha... We think we will enjoy our own choices better than God's choices for us.

we are like kids who think candy is the best thing for us..

The challenge is to have faith in his will which is better for us and that we will enjoy it more than our own will. His will for us is to prioritize him.. and we will enjoy the choices we make in prioritizing him much more than prioritizing other things and people of this world.

And even though we have many many different choices we can make in life, God's will is always more enjoyable, more profitable, and more meaningful.

Love & Lust

2010-10-08T09:51:00.001-07:00

..sometimes we don't realize that love is better than lust

..or sometimes the problem is that we confuse love and lust for the same thing.

Weekly Reflection 2

2010-10-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

After a Regional meeting recently (A meeting with a bunch of churches) I feel like discipleship is sometimes lost in the mix of church ministry. I really hope that if I become a pastor that I would put discipleship above the tasks in ministry. Deadlines seem to become priorities over people which I find sad really. As a pastor I would hope to have a core group of people that I would be discipling into and have them disciple others as well. The problem is a congregation wants to see results for the job you are doing, so they wanna see services, studies and events. Its too bad Jesus isn't humanly here now to teach us what we should be doing as pastors.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we chose people out of the ordinary to lead the church. People who barely come, people who still go out drinking and clubbing, people that the church gossip about. I wonder if that type of leadership is something that God would be calling us to do. I feel like Jesus and God did that type of thing throughout history and chose the marginalized to lead the church. We often choose the wise and the strong to lead the church. I feel like it would be more faithful to get the weak to lead the church at times.

In discipleship, I feel strongly that it should be wholistic and be practical for people to work their faith out in their daily lives. Though my focuses have never been things like ‘ what does it mean to be a student for God’ or ‘how to talk about spiritual things within your home.’ Its been stuff like holiness, purity, love, and more general Christian topics which I think are also good but can just become head knowledge that doesn't become lived out. I hope that in the future that I would find some focuses on practical spirituality in the ministry or age group that I am involved in. So for now, I feel like I should be getting into the mode of a jr high and sr high kid and what they go through; as a student in their schools, as growing kids in their homes with siblings and parents and such. I think its more common to find a topic to learn about... and sometimes it does not work itself out in our day to day lives. Learning my church’s context is so important and understanding what their life is like, then finding how they can be bringing their spirituality into the places where they have contact with other people. These places like their workplace, school, home.. or just anywhere there are people really.

Though as a pastor I feel like we should visit schools or visit workplaces to really know whats going on in the present day. That's why I kind of have a problem with these pastors who are so busy... Do you even have a sense of reality when you are running left and right? And most times its just acknowledged among Christians that "its so hard to talk about spiritual things outside of church". What are we doing about it as the church? Separating ourselves from the outside world? There has to be more conversations in these things.

In wild at heart it talks about being a man, a man of God. I feel like to this point in my life, I never felt, or had the desire to be a man. I felt like the responsibilities and expectations of a man were never appealing to me at all. It seems like men don’t have fun and just concentrate on making money and doing boring things, and I feel like a ‘leader’ sometimes has the same connotations. I think back on high school days and jr high school days when I had soo much fun, and to a certain extent I can’t let go of those things and still want those things even though I am 25. I think now though I have come to place where; yes, it is time to strive for being a man of God and where I should have that as a part of my identity. I always have been striving for the attributes of a good man but I have just always wanted to enjoy a free nature and having the little accountability that is characteristic of being a youth and a child. Then again...

I don't want to be a 40 year old boy

Weely Reflection #1

2010-09-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about how the church can evangelize and am learning from FAC. With these outreach events and social programs, it seems like its a good way to reach out to the community in a non forceful and non evasive way. It is an approach that is trying to be inviting without pressuring the individuals into becoming a Christian.
I also realize the importance of the church investing time in each other. I find it encouraging when I see people like Dave Burridge (a youth worker who plays bball and fishes with kids from the projects around the church) being able to reach out to these kids and also invest time into these kids lives. Its definitely a challenge when having a program like bball can get lost in what the purpose of the event really is. Some people would think its just playing sports, and sometimes it may only feel like its just playing sports. I feel like with church, anything can be church as long as you have the bigger vision in mind when you are going about a planned program. It feels weird when I am trying to minister on my not-clocked hours and I feel like I am 'working.' Its weird when there are these 'greyish' areas of what is work and what is not work.. And how somethings are considered work and some aren't
Dave Burridge and his boys

Being an intern, I think about the ‘job’ aspect of being a pastor. When I write into my weekly units I find it funny the things I put in there. They are mainly programs. Sometimes I feel like we should be keeping track of the peoples lives that have been changing in a church rather than keeping track of the events that happen in a church. Like there are times when I am talking to some people from my old church, and I am challenging them to do things for God. I feel like I should be keeping track of that and writing that down in some calendar. I feel like people’s personal and spiritual well being and the Christian journey are often forgotten when we keep track of programs and attendance instead.
I also sometimes feel like Pastors have this pressure deep inside them that makes them think they must always keep busy. Like somehow its expected that you always have to be doing something. Does God wan't this for pastors? I know working hard is something God does wan't but I wonder if God is pleased with the fast paced nature of a pastor’s life.

In reading sustainable youth ministry, its feels like the author is saying structure will save everything. When I read it, I feel hesitant to believe it, but I think its somewhat valid if you put it in the right context. I think its because I see structured as in the example of a corporation with bosses and employees and managers etc etc.. But I think structured in a way that you know your values and why you are doing the things you are doing, and keeping to those values in the purpose of your ministry. Keeping to what God's plans are and not straying away from what you set out in the beginning.

I realize the faults in my ministry when I was a young adults leader. We started off with naming goals and passions of each leader. I wanted to challenge them in these goals and passions throughout the year through our meetings together. Then as the year went on, I felt like we let the Friday evenings dictate our lives and got lost in doing things rather than passions and goals. We did revisit the goals and passions of the leaders but we did not make Friday evenings a vessel for them to learn and be able to do what they were passionate about. I feel like this a challenge that will continue to stick with me as a ‘leader’ in ministry. So I do resonate with this author that important goals and values must be revisited as time goes on.

FAC youth ministries

2010-09-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmPx4o4OpGI

And so it begins...

2010-09-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

So I have been thinking about this internship and what it brings. How will it bless me and how will I be a blessing unto others her in Scarborough? Or maybe I should be asking.. what does God want to do with me and the community here?

I have been trying to remember as many names as possible.. but its hard. Every day its a new name, and some dark skinned people who you think should have ethnic last first and last names have generic names like Sue Murray. I am loving the Sri Lanken last names though.. like Manohaharaj and Gulasekharam... can't miss that.

One of my tasks is to make a video for the annual meeting this year to recap all the great things that have taken place at FAC. We all know how annual meetings can get tiring and boring if they are just going through one thing after the other. Hopefully I can do my best to bring some life into it.

So today I took a bunch of pictures of some Seniors who play board games and hang out at FAC in our Seniors library. It was super funny watching these seniors play like little kids.

Its awesome to seniors come together from different ethnic backgrounds and have a good time. Sometimes I think of Seniors being so lonely with nothing to do, so its nice to see that FAC is trying to care for these people.

Unplanned Missions on a Mission trip?

2010-09-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

Its funny how postmodernism changes things... where Missions trips don't always have clear objectives anymore. Before you would think that we would have to build a school or raise up a church for a Missions trip to be successful. Or to convert someone or at the least go door to door.

Now it seems it is more about influence and relationships. Like the saying that kinf of goes like "Let the people know that you believe in Jesus Christ and that you love God, and if you have to, use words."

After we finished our day camp, this is where most of the ministry I believe happened. Just sharing life together at their camp and ours. We spent a lot of time hanging out with the kids after our camps were over. Just being ourselves, hoping that the love of Christ would shine through the way we live.

We did a lot of swimming in the river which was awesome. Jumping of this mini cliff into the water was a huge highlight of the camp. We would ask them if they would be up for swimming or what their plans were for the afternoons and evenings and we would just play and play and eat and play.

SWIMTIME!!!!

JUMP!!!

It was pretty sweet. Another great way we built relationships was through volleyball. This was really cool because we were able to interact with whole families instead of just kids. It was a little intimidating at first, but after a couple games we got comfortable. Its funny because people thought I was a superstar..... though I am not at all..

None the less, I love mission trips like this.. knowing that we can always come back. AND that Tom and Karen, the permanent missionaries there are continuing God's work. Also it was super fun and not forced.

One of the families came to Toronto the other day for back to school shopping. Some of the team met up with them but I was in NY..
but its easy for a next time.. which is sweet

Magnetawan Missions, What did we do there?

2010-08-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

We were located on resort camp grounds where people can come and set up tents, trailers and RVs. It was quite an open area that we had and we shared space with a bunch of neighboring cabins and vehicles.

So this was our humble abode for the trip. We had a cabin where we would cook and have our meals. Props to Tony's wife who cooked and all the other visiting church mommas who came to cook as well.

It was a great area for us to hang out and the kids who visited to run and play.

Every morning we would go to the Magnetawan Reserve Town hall which was across the river from us (5 minute drive) to run a day camp. It ran from 9:30-1:00pm from the Monday till the Friday. We did games, crafts and songs throughout the day with the kids.

Opening activity

Games.. 3 legged race with the kids.. Me and Frank won

Crafties

These were the activities that were pre-planned before we got to the reserve. We did many activities and tried to tell them stories that linked their Aboriginal Spirituality, with Christian Spirituality. We all believe in the same creator God, and we were trying to convey that to the kids that God is God of all, and we can have a relationship with God.

The day camp was fun and we had a great time, little did we know all the things God had in store for us that we did not plan at all...

This is Darian

2010-08-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

darian:van
allan:I got you!
darian: I'm not playing
allan:oh ok, lets not play, is this a van?
frank:darian ask us questions
darian:is it?
allan:yes
darian: it is? a van has those windows back there?
allan: it does
darian: thats why its a van?
allan: well theres other reasons too, cuz theres so many seats!
darian: yeah, thats why theres a lot of... could you, could you..travel. in.. is this one more fast? or no
allan: well that car over there actually goes faster than this car.
darian: does this one get back more home
allan:cuz this ones too heavy
darian: cuz everybody, cuz everybody has to come, so all HEAVY
allan: yeah we're all heavy, especially frank here.
darian: yeah
allan: james too
james: whats up darian
allan: what is he doing?
darian: GIMME THE PHONE! GIMME IT! gimm..
james: why do you want it?
darian: get in dhelsin i need you up front

......

This kid was hilarious. He would always ask "what are you doing?" or "what are you doing with that phone?" or "where are you going?." He always had questions and he was such a little tank. So big and strong for a little kid.

Magnetawan Missions Trip Aug 14-21

2010-08-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

Mission Trip
So I just returned from Magnetawan First Nations Reserve. Its just about 3 hours north from Toronto and it seemed quite small. It seemed about the size of a small neighborhood (20 houses or so). They live right along a river, and across that river, there is a resort where people can bring their trailers, tents, and campers to stay on the grounds. That is where we lived.

There were some great factors about this trip that I believe were very beneficial for being a short term thing.

It is very close so it is easily accessible which cuts down on travel time and costs. It also makes it easy for future trips
We partnered with a missionary family Tom and Karen who stay there full time. This way we opened doors for them to build relationships with the families that they don't have relationships with. This also enables them to continue the ministry that we have done during our week there.
We focused mainly on the relationship building of the people there so that it was less about what we were doing, and more about how we are living.

We essentially ran a day camp from 9:30am-1:00pm for the kids there but it was open to anyone. We did songs, crafts, and games. After that was over, we would ask them what they were doing after the camp and we would have lunch and then meet with as many of the locals as possible to spend time together. We also got involved with as many community events and met as many families as possible. Most of the time spent together was either swimming in the river, volleyball, or hanging around our campsite talking and playing games.

let me introduce you to the team:

jess f, jess l, anja, grace, deena

shawn t, jin mo, keshia

tony, andrew, me, shawn a

rebecca, jess f, shawn a, allan

These people are the main youth group that come to First Alliance Church. They were all great people to work with and I really enjoyed getting to know them all a bit better during the week.

The First Week

2010-08-08T14:28:00.001-07:00

So Jere told me my blog is pretty weak and has no pictures so I decided that it is time.

I have been soaking up as much as I can this week. From names, to places, to great places to eat. The main things have been the situation and the people of this church. I have met quite a handful of people and they have been great and very friendly to me. It has been a great first few days and I couldn't have asked for more.

The Community

Where I am located is the northern end of Scarborough. It is quite a bit a ways from the downtown core of Toronto although it is still considered 'urban'. I live on the same road as the church literally 7 houses away from the church. Such a difference compared to Calgary where I always had to drive at least 20 minutes. I feel like Grace Yu or Chris Chan although I walk instead of how they drive. You could say I feel like Steph Tse or Kevin Tse.

So that is basically where I live in Toronto. Its very very very convenient. There is even a mall (kinda like Northhill mall) across the street so that's good too. No temptation to buy that much but has some stores that have what you need. hahaha.

Anyways, the Worship Pastor Albert was telling me some interesting facts about the Community where I am in.

1. Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world
2. Scarborough is the most multicultural community in Toronto

So... that just puts things into perspective about my church. Lots of mainland China New Canadians, lots of Carribean people, lots of senior citizens (because there is a seniors home nearby), lots of Sri Lankens as well. So that has been really interesting to see. There are also two communities that are government housing to the left and to the right of my church. So the community has quite a bit of low income people who attend.

So the variety of different people at the church has been an adjustment for me, but a good adjustment. I really enjoy meeting the people from all different cultures and I am really interested to see if their culture makes their spirituality different from mine as a Chinese boy. haha

The People

The pastoral staff have been great to me. I am mainly working with Tony Sammut (youth pastor) who has been really good at introducing me to everyone and making sure I am comfortable, well fed and keeping busy. He has also told a lot about the church, the community and just anything that I ask him. Kinda reminds me of a Jason Fan really. Its funny, I have been seeing a lot of people here who remind me of people in Calgary. They are like Toronto versions of the people of Calgary.

That's Iain Murray (Children's Pastor) and Tony Sammut (Youth Pastor)

Albert Lu

He is the Worship Pastor I have been working with. He does a lot of the Mainland Chinese programs. Its almost like a congregation on its own really. I hope to get involved in this area as time continues. He has set up a lot of things for me to do and hooked me up with my sweet place. He has been at the church for nearly 4 years and its interesting to learn from his as he has the same cultural background as me and is also ministering to a multicultural multigenerational congregation.

My Homestay

I live with a family of three. Luke and Hilary and their daughter Judith. Judith is around 18 years old and will be leaving for school in September. They have been super nice and cook me some good dinners daily. Its been a huge blessing for me to have such a great situation. I basically have a townhouse basement to myself. I have a big bedroom with a big bed, tv, couch, desk, and dresser type thing. a main foyer area, a bathroom with shower, and a full kitchen with everything. Couldn't ask for more, I was really amazed at how great it was.

The Church

The Church is very interesting in the way that it operates. The community dictates how the church is run. They have 4 main people groups who come to the church.

1. Children at risk
2. Youth at risk
3. Seniors
4. New Canadians

So this has dictated a lot of the building redevelopment that is going on. They built a new nursery that is in a safe area and has clear pick up and drop off zones to ensure safety and clear access. They are in the process of building a new gymnasium for the youth for sports programs. They have built a Seniors wing for Seniors to learn skills with computers and email etc.

So I have been meeting new people left and right and it has been good. Thanks all for your prayers, I am truly grateful and amazed at God's goodness. I keep reminding myself at how good I have it because its pretty crazy how everything worked out so well.

What I will be doing

So far I have some plans set out for me. I will be going on a short term missions trip with the youth at my church. We will be going to a First Nations Reserve where a family has already set some ground work for us to come in. I am really excited to be challenged by God in this setting and hope to be blessed and also be a blessing to the people there.

Other than that, they are hoping that I can help with promotions and communications within the church. Stuff like making the power points possibly more effective, updating the website, creating videos and images and things of that nature. I love doing these types of things so I think it will be something that I will enjoy.

I also am a part of a small group of 20ish people who are around my age and we had lunch on sunday. It was really fun and it was really easy to get along with the people there.

I am also going to be involved in some of the Youth Programs but I am not too too sure with what completely. I will keep you posted!

the pad

2010-08-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

turn your head sideways to the left..

I want to be a blessing to others.

2010-07-26T02:13:00.001-07:00

What Christianity is about

2010-07-18T01:48:00.001-07:00

It's not about doing the 'right' thing. It's about a deep loving relationship that drives you to make loving choices.

Love

2010-06-15T01:39:00.001-07:00

Out of all the things I learned at Bible college, the most important thing I learned is to love. Something that cannot really, truly be taught in a classroom setting. Although learning about the Trinity and learning about the Old Testament is cool, I feel like learning to love is much more important. I think if I am going to be a pastor, I better be a love master.

When Jesus came down to earth, he chose uneducated people to lead his church. They probably did not have the greatest skill sets to lead churches, or were eloquent speakers, but they had the ability to love humbly.

That is why I think its so important to love; because it is something that everyone and anyone can do. God calls everyone because they have the ability to love, not only because they have skills.

Maybe I should be glad that I am not an eloquent speaker, a beautiful singer, super organized multi-tasker, or a great writer. Then again I'm not the most loving person either.... but I hope that is what I will aspire to be.

words

2010-05-13T01:18:00.001-07:00

words are powerful because they can change minds,

.....and changed minds can change actions,

..... and changed actions can change lives.

2010-04-17T14:07:00.001-07:00

There should be no guilt or shame in the church. There should be forgiveness and healing instead.

How Do I Love You more?

2010-04-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

I asked this question to God, because I feel like I don't know how sometimes.

I didn't quite listen for an answer, I thought of answers myself.

-do I pray more?
-do I read the Bible more?
-do I spend more time with people? like that verse where it says something like 'what you do for the least of these, you do unto me'?
-sing worship songs?

then I heard him say..
"spend more time with me"

man.. so true. How am I supposed to love someone by just purely doing things for them? For any relationship you build, you gotta spend the quality time together.

Its so simple... but not so easy.

I find that God has been speaking to me in ways that make things seem to be so simple..

but they are never easy.

simple and hard, not simple and easy

humility

2010-02-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

Its kind of obvious to me now why Jesus talked to the tax collectors and prostitutes.

My heart is hard when I think I am doing the right thing. Self righteous and unable to admit my wrong. Although, if you are humble and know you are a sinner, it is easier to turn to God.

These sinners were probably more open to change and more receptive to the voice of Jesus. There was less skepticism and more faith. Less doubt and more affirmation.

Funny that God doesn't even really need people to be skilled and smart or any kind of talented. Ironic is how we always think we need to be.
All he needs is for us to be open, willing, and humble. Shouldn't this be easier to strive for than skills, wisdom, and money?

Yet I am constantly blinded by carnal desires and somehow I think I have some kind of status. Lame
So help me God to have a heart and mind like a tax collector or prostitute of present day. We are all the same

Funeral

2009-11-26T01:54:00.001-08:00

It finally dawns on me that in human nature, the moments of extreme grief occur when a loved one passes away. If you have never seen someone cry before, this is the time where you will see them cry. No one wants to see their loved one die. To take it even further, no one wants to see their children die. As a parent, it is extremely sad when your child who is younger than you passes away who is supposed to live past your own life time. Our Father understands this and takes his love to the extreme and sacrifices His own son to show that he knows grief to the extent of seeing his one and only son whom he loves very much, die on a cross in the most excruciating way. This is how he has shown his love and understanding for us. He has shown us that He too experiences grief, grief that can almost be the worst of all; one that is extremely heart wrenching and tragic. He loves us that much that he also suffers along side us in our life on earth. Not only Jesus suffers when he died on the cross but also the Father suffers in his grief for his one and only Son. For God so loved the world.

love others

2009-11-21T04:12:00.001-08:00

love others...

even when you don't want to
even when you hate them
even when you would rather avoid them
even when you are shy
even when you are tired
even when its tough
even when they are wrong
even when they hurt you
even when they are mean to you
even when they are annoying
even when they have neglected you
even when it makes you uncomfortable

because God loves you even when you neglect, hate, annoy, hurt, are mean to, and avoid him
and he is a perfect God who has all the right to not love us.
we have no right to not love others, because we are imperfect.

Reflection

2009-11-19T00:36:00.000-08:00

Today I stopped and stared in a mirror at the mall washroom.
Not concerned of my appearance or checking my hair. But I stared to see deeper inside of me.
I was not looking at my hair or checking my teeth. I looked into the mirror wondering who I was to the world. Looking into the mirror and saying "Who am I?"
When I read in a book that this guy did this, I thought it was lame... but after doing it, I realize his intentions and realize that it does engage the brain and the heart.

Who is God creating in me and what are his intentions?
How do people see me and how am I to love others with my identity and this body I am given.
Stopping and pausing is rare for me as I am always looking to do the next thing.
Escaping the task orientated mindset has enabled me to live life instead of just doing life; just for a second.

I never thought I needed a mirror to psychologically reflect. Now I know that it can help.

whats wrong

2009-08-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

worship songs seem old
and have lost their fire..

same old same old same old same old.
so same and so old

plus.. I seem out of touch..
whats going on?

I hate this distant, un-intimate relationship where I don't know what to do.

Arrogance

2009-05-04T02:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason I think my ideas are always great. I hope God beats down my arrogance. I hate being arrogant. God please help me. I don't want to be this way anymore

forgiveness

2009-04-21T03:01:00.000-07:00

an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
2000 years and still people believe it as truth

don't understand love, always seeking for revenge
just a endless cycle which never finds an end

as I say this, I realize I am also the one
who has my hand wrapped around the gun

that shoots that kills and I still do not understand
how to live and be like the Son of Man.

tears

2009-04-17T02:40:00.000-07:00

today I listened to the song by tim hughes- everything.

Then in the middle of the song I felt my eyes start to water. It was a video on youtube which wasn't the most amazing video or anything at all, yet tears just came rolling down my face. Could it be the beauty and truth of His word that is affecting me? maybe.

I don't understand what is happening to me. I haven't cried for years and years until emily's demon incident. God must be doing something in me...

Everytime I feel tears coming or the need to cry, I think of that Starfiled song All for you.

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

I guess we'll see what happens to me.

2009-03-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

At first, Emily began to cry in her sleep. The crying was not just like tears rolling down her eyes, she looked like she was in deep pain when she was crying in her sleep. At first I was just surprised and I just watched her as it went on. The pain looked so real so then I woke her up because it was kind of scary. I told her she was crying in her sleep and she just said "hasn't that ever happened to you?" It has never happened to me. I thought it was just her releasing her emotions in her sleep because Emily does not cry that much, especially these days, I don't think she has cried for about a month or two. So I just though it was nothing serious and went away.

Then I heard her crying again. I thought it was kinda weird and funny because it was so unlikely that someone would cry again after crying the first time. Its like when someone sleep talks, its hard to get them to sleep talk again. I totally didn't think she would cry again because its sort of a one in a million chances. But she cried again right after basically. It was weird because she did not really put her head town to rest when she cried. She basically like closed her eyes and the started to cry almost instantly. She said that she was conscious of what was happening and was like " why am I crying?" I am not even sleeping."

So I filmed a bit of her crying because I thought it was funny. Then I saw that she was slowly getting louder and louder and then she woke herself up and laughed a bit. So I said " Were you faking that?" And she said no. It was weird because she never has done that ever before. And then I asked why she was crying..
And then she said it felt like something was inside her. Like she cant control it, like a demon was inside of her.

Immediately after she said that she started screaming and crying harder. The first thing that I thought of was "In Jesus Name." So I started to just pray over her and ask for Jesus to drive out all the evil. I was not afraid because I knew God would save her, but I did not really know how to release the demon from inside her. So I just kept praying " In the name of Jesus! Get the evil out of her! Jesus please release her of these demons!"

She was crying, yelling, kicking, screaming, and her face always looked like she was in pain. Her face would always change and she looked like her face muscles were out of control. She said that it was like pressure that was upon her and she could not control herself. Her stomach hurt like an intense ab work out. It was like demon was inside her gut, causing pain. She could not control herself. She didn't want to scream because it was 1am and my dad was sleeping. She could not control her kicking, screaming, crying or yelling. All of it was out of her control. Sometimes she would just say my name while she was in pain.

She felt like something was inside of her, like something was forcing her to do violent things. She wanted to kick and punch and break things but she held herself back. I kept praying for her and sometimes the movements and cries would subside, but they seemed to always come back. I realized that I needed help and that more prayers and love of others would probably help her situation. I think God wanted me to tell people. Its weird because for this youth conference I helped to plan, I just realized how hard it is for me to ask for help. Its like God was teaching me how.
I went up stairs to talk to my brother.

I said " Hey, can you pray for Emily? I think something is inside of her, something like a demon."
He said " really? are you serious?"
I said " Yes, please pray for her"
He said "okay."

Then I called Chris lam but I think he was sleeping, so was Jere. Jason Fan was awake when I called him up.

Me " Hey Jason what are you doing?"
Jason "Oh just hanging out, why?"
Me "Oh why are you still awake?"
Jason "Our church is having the lock in right now. thats why"
Me "Oh I see, Hey can you pray for Emily? I think she has a demon inside of her right now"
Jason " Whats happening?"
Me " I dunno, like her stomach hurts really bad and she is screaming and crying out of control right now"
Jason "are you sure shes not just sick or anything?"
Me "yes I am pretty sure its a demon or something evil, could you please pray for her?"
Jason "is that her screaming in the background?
Me" yeah you can hear her"
Jason " okay I will come over"
Me" okay thanks man, see you soon"

All the while Emily is screaming and shaking and I keep holding her hand, her head and praying that Jesus would heal her, that Jesus would come and save her. She was crying and yelling very loudly now. She said that she could not look at me; that it hurt to look at me. She said that I looked like a demon when she looked at me.

Then after I called Jason, Emily said CALL JOJO! So I called up jojo

Me " hey jojo"
Jojo "hey whats up"
Me "what are you doing?"
Jojo "um...... sleeping, or going to sleep"
Me "oh so you are just about to sleep? Hey can you pray for emily right now? I think there is a demon or evil spirit inside of her."
Jojo " oh okay I will"
Me "Thanks Jojo"

During this time Emily was screaming and talking to her uncle Keith to pray for her. I think she was trying to fight the force of the demon at this point and could talk and say her own thoughts.

Then I kept praying with her and then she felt the prayers of everyone work inside of her. I kept praying as well and she felt like the demon was being sent out of her. I kept praying as others were praying and she felt God's presence totally within her. She turned to me and said

" I can smile now! I was not able to smile before!" I felt as though she was gaining control of herself through the power of God. God's power was within her and she could slowly feel the demon losing grip.

She started speaking " I think God wants me to use this experience. God wants me to tell people. God wants me to help you James, God wants me to tell this to everyone. God wants you James, to tell people too. I am supposed to help you James. Then I called Jojo to tell her the good news. I gave the phone to Emily.

Then when Emily was talking to Jojo it was like God was speaking through her. She said that God loves what Jojo was doing and that God is so thankful for Jojo and her work. Then I called up Jason to tell him too. God then told Emily to tell Jason that He says hi. HAHA! that is the funniest thing..
So then Emily went to my phone and told Jason "God says hi."

After as Emily was talking to Jojo I put my head into my hands and then I just all of a sudden started to cry. This crying was not just tears falling down my face manly cry, but it was bawling like ugly face cry. I haven't done this since I was maybe like 8 years old. I was crying hard with no control with just joy overcoming me and I dunno how to explain it. It was like the spirit of God came over me and made me cry. I was not sad or overly happy, it was just kind of a out of control God moment. Something I have never experienced before. I wondered if this was a little taste of how the Pentecost was.

Then after Jason and Keith came to my house and we started to pray for her. At this point Emily was not screaming and was not yelling anymore. So we prayed a little bit and we kind of thought that she was released. Then I was telling Keith and Jason what happened, and then when Emily was trying to explain, she was not totally able too. She paused in her story and was not able to coherently finish her story the way she wanted. There was this awkward pause and silence and it seemed like she couldn't say what she wanted. So then I kept explaining what had happened to Jason and Keith and then Emily interrupted me and said " Can we pray?"

So then we said yes and we continued to pray. The demon was trying to fight back and gain control over Emily again. So me Jason and Keith all continued to pray about Jesus blood and his sacrifice that saved us, How Jesus saved us so and how we are free now. Then someone prayed about love. It dawned on me that I was forgetting that aspect of God's saving grace. Then we continued to pray that God's love and power would drive out all evil. We kept proclaiming for the spirit to leave in the name of Jesus! It was powerful when we said Jesus' name. Emily would start to tremble and shake and the pain would go away. Not only our prayers were felt, but all those were also praying for her.

We continued to pray and I called up Jojo to pray some more so that the evil would be cast away completely. I remember sometimes when I said Jojo's name, Emily would scream or shake. Finally after much prayer and proclaiming to the evil to be gone, Emily felt at peace. She gained full control of her body and senses. She said that the imagery was like there was a great white bright light inside of her, and the demon was like a dark speck. God was like stomping on the dark speck that was trying to fight its way back into Emily. Also like Jesus was fight off the demons.

" It's like Jesus has these great big white hadoukens that are fighting back the demon." Emily
" I thought to myself, wow, this is like intense kinda like a video game"
" I felt as though God was speaking to me and through me, like I was talking in third person"

It was weird because at one point Emily could visualize and feel the power of Keith and Jason's prayer as they were coming to my house. She could see them praying as they were driving on deerfoot between 17th ave and memorial drive.

At one point I wanted to film the whole thing, but I felt compelled to prayer instead. I felt like if I stopped praying, that the demon would gain a foothold in Emily.

After I listened to the song " you never let go" by matt redman I burst into tears again. Not only into tears, but the only words out of my mouth were Oh God! Oh God!

The words were so true for Emily in the song that I couldn't control myself. I was just crying and shouting. I could not even try to fight the tears like I usually do. It was weird because my mouth was just open and I could not close it. I felt like a big baby man. I was driving at this time and there were tears in my eyes on deerfoot. If anyone saw my face when I was driving, they would probably have laughed their heads off. I know I would have.

Gift

2009-03-03T00:57:00.000-08:00

God's greatest gift was grace. It is what sets us free.

But is grace free for us?
Somewhat. We did not have to pay for it, but someone else did.
Someone else paid their life. A life is worth more than any amount of money that the world can offer. A life is worth more than a house, a car, anything.

What is crazy is that this life he paid was that it was not just any life; it was a perfect life. Free of sin something incapable to any man. You could not pay anyone any amount of money that would be able to motivate them to keep from sinning. Billions upon billions of dollars could not hold a person back for 33 years. God could have gave us each billions of dollars and it would not even compare to the value of grace.

Money cannot even compare. Jesus knew the importance of the gift of grace. He knew that he had to be perfect or else humans would not be able to experience grace.

The greatest gift given.

Frustray

2009-03-02T02:45:00.000-08:00

Wow.

Frustration caused by other people sucks so much. Seems like the only way to deal is to vent, and venting about people is pretty much gossip.

Maybe I should only vent to God because he'll give the right responses. Plus i dunno if that is really gossip.

Sometimes I wish violence was the answer. . . for very brief brief moments.

Holy Spirit

2009-02-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

Good thing the Holy Spirit is not human
otherwise he'd probably be sick of helping people all the time.
I am sick of asking for help all the time
but I always need to.
I even need help to ask for help.

Thanks

2009-02-12T23:14:00.000-08:00

Thank you God for helping with my sermon.
Please humble me and do not let me take the credit.
Thank you for this peace you give.

Nature

2009-02-10T23:14:00.000-08:00

Nature is so sweet. It takes a while until I actually long for the outdoors and I am reminded of how beautiful creation is. Sometimes I think architecture is beautiful, or cars are beautiful, or film or art is beautiful. I think some people get lost in all of this and concentrate too much on praising man made things. Nothing compares though.

I feel somewhat confined sometimes. Always in indoor rooms and walls are always surrounding me. Interiors always have walls and paths where you have to walk or follow. They are so systematic and never really giving you space to explore.

I love the outdoors because you can look past the horizon and realize how vast creation is. There is nothing limiting you. There are no ends of the earth. Its just one giant sphere. When you walk in nature you create your own paths, you can go your own ways; discovering new things on your own.

It's not convenient. There are no signs telling you what you are going to see next like how building signs or road signs inform you. There is that mystery that I think we need.

I went on a walk the other day by my school. The mountains are huge in the west and the trees are not strategically placed like the ones in the city. I walked along the grass and noticed the beautiful swirls of the snow. The wind and the elements have shaped it quite nicely. Then I saw something in the snow that totally ruined its beauty. It was this little black empty canteen of tobacco. It was so ugly that it kind of made me angry.